Forever kind of love!

So I got yet another request of advice sent to me wanting my intellect to advise them.. So here we go!

Heather,
What is the best way to get over someone? I just want to love them forever!

Sincerely,
Lost in the Unknown...

Dear Unknown,
First of, I wanted to let you know this is all to familiar for me.. I have struggled with this before in the past, but just remember that what worked for me may not work for you. You has already answered your own question, simply by signing this letter. It is an unknown constant unanswered question that everyone in the world can't seem to get there hands on. If there was a person out there that could come up with a ten step program on him how to mend a broken heart, The would be a legend. I would sell my soul for the secret. I have been in your position before. I loved this person with everything that I was, every fiber of my body wanted to make him happy. However, It didn't matter how much I wanted it, it mattered that he didn't. I use to ask my sister the same question "How do I get over that forever kind of love? How do you tell your heart,mind and body not to love this person and want them?" Her simple but very true response was this. "You don't ever forget it, so you never can get over it 100% But sometimes you have to love what good for you, and he is not good for you, because he no longer wants you. There comes a point when you just have to suck it up and file it under lessons learned."
I waited for him for what seemed like forever, I waited for him to wake up one day and decide that he wanted me and all of me, and that he would get into his car and race to where ever I was and tell me that he was stupid, in love, and that he was dumb but wasn't going to live with out me anymore. I waited almost two years for this to happen, and honestly sometimes I still do. I look at it like this, I loved this person, I wanted whatever he wanted if it was going to make him happy, and this just wasn't me anymore. This doesn't mean that I am not good enough for someone else, its just a matter that I have to be willing for it to happen again, and as long as you sit around waiting for him it won't. It took me a really Long time to accept that fact that someone else was going to make him happy. I have finally accepted this. Accepting his happiness with someone else was the first step for me. I finally decided that if he was going to come back to me he would have done it three days, weeks, months or hours after the break not years. I finally took the jump and accepted that if he was going to come back he would have already, and hasn't so therefore he isn't going to. Once I took the time to get use to that I decided that my happiness was important too, not only to me but to my friends and family and even him. That's right! When I finally started dating someone new he sent me a message telling me congrats! He was happy I was happy. I honestly don't think he wanted to hurt me, but he did. When me and this person broke up it was very civil for the most part. Neither of us cheated or did anything wrong ( at least to my knowledge) for us it just wasn't there on both parties. After we broke up I remember him telling me he never wanted this to happen, but he couldn't risk leading me on waiting for it to happen for him. (OUCH! Right!) I had told him once before that if it ever came to a break I could handle loosing him as a Boy Friend but not a friend I couldn't loose him all together. When we broke he said the same thing to me. So we decided to try and be friends. That left me reading between line that were not even there! So it best to make a clean break I feel. Because when I finally did.. It set me free from waiting. IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO CUT THE TIE... BUT I DID. IT stung all over again. I guess the whole thing if you love something let it go, and if it comes back it was meant to be is really true. For me it wasn't meant to be, and that may be your case as well. I know this may sound cut throat but the best advice to make this a speedy process is cut yourself off. You told me in the email that you both shared friends, GET NEW FRIENDS!!!!!!!! Walk away with your head held high, tell him he hurt you and leave it at that. Also, don't be afraid to cry about it. Never be ashamed of your emotions. Tell him that you are hurt and you ACCEPT THIS!Just because you accept it doesn't mean you have to understand it, all you can do it take what you are given and make the best of it. I don't believe there is such a thing as "forever kind of love" really anymore, Love grows with the relationship. So if the relationship is over, it cant grow. I believe there is a love that can with stand anything but both parities have to be willing to work on it. In my case he wasn't willing to work at it because it wasn't there.

So you have a choice, accept this for what it is, and move on or keep waiting but remember! LIFE DOESN'T STOP FOR THE BROKEN HEARTED!(I WISH IT DID!) It keeps moving on just like people. I wish I could tell you that you will wake up in a few days and everything will be OK again, but chances are if you loved them like you did or do, it may take a while. We all heal in different ways, and different speeds. I will promise you this, it will get easier someday. The 6 months to a year are going to be super hard because you will remember all your memories about what you were doing in February with him, but it will pass. For as long as you choose not to move on, The longer it will take you to heal. If you are truly willing to get over him you will.

I really wish I could help you better just because I have been there, done that and bought a T-shirt, but you have to survive your own battlefield. That's what love is. You can't run across a war zone and not get hurt. Let the scars be the a story IN your life, not your life story.

Hope it helps!
Good Luck!

Heather

Flowers, Guns, and Utah Lake!

So I have never really had a Valentine before, I always get a boy friend before, after or it's just not that "serious" of a relationship for it be classified as that... However, It's never really been a bad day either. For example last year me and a group a friends just went out and had a party and celebrated the fact that we were "too cool" to have one.. The year before that I was some what hanging out with some guy and I got my first kiss (from him), and spent the next night with Marlyn Manson... So see its never been a hated holiday, just an awkward one. This year I wanted it to be different. 2010 is a big year for me, I am turning 25 (UGH!) I am living alone again (finally) and learning to love myself ( Hard as shit) and trying to fix the regrets of my past... ( key word there is try!) So I figured I needed to add a Valentine into the mix of things! OH BOY! OH BOY! OH BOY! AM I GLAD I DID! I am not sure what makes something the best or worst, but if I was in charge of making the scale I would have to say he did a pretty good job!

It all started by me getting picked up in and over sized big sexy blue dodge! Yeah I know that makes me some what of a redneck... Anyways so we get to the car, and inside he has the cutest little flower arrangement inside of a balloon... Yes boys and girls no type-O there, it was in fact inside of a heart shaped balloon! We then start our journey in his hot ass truck to... Well I had no fetching clue where we were headed at this point however we ended up at Utah Lake, We drove around and looked at stars and it was so romantic! Then he pulled his gun out... NO really I promise this is not a dirty remark or sexual innuendo in any way! He pulled out a real hand gun.. It was called a XD 45 but I names is Spartacus's, cause that's how I roll! Anyways, then he let me fire the little guy off! IT was Amazing! It was a rush! IT was AWESOME! It was even better because as some of you know I always wanted to be a Forensic criminologist, and it just felt sooooooooo good! IT was like I was meant to have a gun in my hand.. I know this sounds crazy but shooting a gun is almost therapeutic! Its great! ( I promise I am not going to kill anyone, unless they start shit... There's your warning!)

After that he took me to dinner, we went to Chili's and I had the best hamburger ever to be consumed in this world... It was so tasty and probably bigger than my head.. Oh I wanted to finish it, but I just couldn't (DAMN STOMACH!) Never the less it was delightful! Then we went back to his place and watch this move call couples retreat! It was fabulous!

Over all it turned out to be a pretty fun date! So if this is what I have been missing out on, I really need to start taking applications for next year! :) Thank you Hallmark for this consumer driven holiday, I have officially given it my stamp of approval, and that pretty damn impressive!